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Pretty much everyone you meet in a ski resort will be
genuinely friendly and there for the same reason as
you ... but at some point, you're bound to bump into:
Mr All the gear (and no idea) - top equipment,
shame he doesn't yet know how to use it. Addition of
'novelty' hat makes this species very easy to spot (and
hard to avoid). Often found on stag weekends in Chamonix
/ Val d'Isere or propping up the bar, still wearing
a harness and 'talking the talk'.
Snowbore - He knows all the names of the surrounding
peaks, itinerary runs, and rock faces, as well as all
the stats on altitude, vertical metres and pitch. Faded
orange / purple jacket, touring kit and 4 season sleeping
bag, this harmless species will live on dehydrated food,
and lecture you on knot tying, crevass rescue, and the
time he went to ... for as long as you'll listen. Talks
a good talk, but have you ever seen him ski/board?
Naughties snow bunny - Times have moved on but
nothing's changed. In the naughties, they're normally
spotted with their low slung jeans showing off a bit
of pant, tight top (and no jacket whatever the weather),
and messy blonde hair with oversized sunnies. Pretty,
young, and loving the attention she gets in the Alps
more than the sport. This creature is on a 1 woman mission
to bag a pro rider, so if you're shit-hot with a sponsorship
deal, you're in. This species is largely nocturnal and
likely to be found working in a bar. Nice to look at,
and soft to touch. Not much else.
Madame One-piece - this 40+ lady was an original
snowbunny. In her too tight one piece (circa 1988, and
yes, she can still squeeze herself into it) with furry
collar, small yapping dog tucked under her arm or in
a bag, not on the floor. She's most likely seen browsing
in the deli - never up the mountain.
Herr Mono - This 80s throw back is still monoskiing
in Jeans and a jumper. Singlehandedly keeping the fluro
face block industry afloat. Frequently spotted in Jimmys
bar in Vallandry. For further information on the above
species, check out: www.fluorescentrompersuits.co.uk
Little Sh*t - this is the six year old in the
helmet who over takes you and upstages you in the park.
No fear, no concept of danger and irritating natural
ability. Hangs out en masse in the la plagne half pipe,
and likely to grow up into:
Pro God - Never spotted on the pistes but occasionally
sighted as a dot on a far slope he's spent 4 days hiking
to. See that mountain ... I walked up it. Most likely
to be seen in the distance in Chamonix.
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